The best revenge is premature balding
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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