why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize