Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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