there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
