Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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