Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
