So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
