Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
