Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
