piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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