dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
