she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
