Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
