hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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