I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
