This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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