hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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