How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
