somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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