I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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