oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
