So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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