I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
