Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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