Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
