So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
