My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
