imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
