Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
