I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
