saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
