yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
