Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
