what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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