Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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