I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
