She announced her abortion via fbk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I want is dick and wine.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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