I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
