Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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