I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
