imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
MIDGETS
????
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
