tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
