I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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