5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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