i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think my vagina is haunted
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
