turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
