when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize