dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
