So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
