I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
