im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
