watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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