I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
