So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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