Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can you bring me the toilet please
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize