True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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