First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
