STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
