There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
