i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
