we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
