i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
