pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize