dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
