if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
