Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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