Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
