Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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