State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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