Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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