its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
