tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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