I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
