Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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