First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize