i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
