the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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