i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think my vagina is haunted
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Acid is not a monday night drug
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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