We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
