Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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