The maid of honor just puked.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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