I met the friendliest cop last night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
