I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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